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Today was my 17 Week appointment and we found out great news: Baby Titus is very healthy and doing well, and we were able to hear the heartbeat, which was amazing all over again.  But the appointment seemed to go downhill from that point.

I saw a new Doctor today, as mine was out of town.  After hearing the heartbeat, I asked her about my weight gain.  This has been weighing heavily on my mind ever since my cravings for all that greasy food began.  I am currently at 17 weeks and up 12 pounds since my first weigh-in.

In so many words, Doctor told me that I had gained too much weight for this point in my pregnancy, or more than what is considered normal.  I wanted to put on my sunglasses while she continued, but I held back my tears instead.  Then I informed Doctor of my very healthy pre-pregnancy eating habits, as I thought she might attribute my extra weight gain to this. 

In my mind, it makes sense that someone like me, who ate so strictly and healthfully pre-pregnancy, might gain more weight than the average woman, as my body is not used to all of the unhealthy foods I was craving.  I hoped this is what Doctor would say, also.  But she only went on to tell me that she would like me to go back to my healthful pre-pregnancy eating habits now.  And she would ideally like to see me gain only 5 pounds in the next 9 weeks.

According to what I have read recently, women gain an average of 1 pound per week during the second trimester – so 5 pounds in 9 weeks sounds very challenging and makes me nervous.  Ben says, and perhaps he is correct, that it will not be a big deal if I gain 7 or 8, instead of 5, but that is simply not how my mind works.  If the Doctor says 5, then I want to do 4 – I want to meet or beat my goal to keep Baby Titus healthy.

I knew this in the back of my mind all along, I suppose it was just difficult to hear it from the Doctor.  I kept calm until I got to the parking lot, where I then put on my shades and let it all out.  I am sure that this news would upset any pregnant woman, but I think it was extra difficult for me, as I am so strange about my healthful eating habits anyway. 

I cried for a quite a while after my appointment.  I even cancelled dinner plans with two really great friends because the very last thing I wanted to do right then was go out to eat.  I did not even want to consider it, and I just wanted to be by myself for the day.

My passion is health, and I have always watched closely the foods that I put into my body.  I have always been concerned about my weight, which I do not necessarily consider a good thing.  It has always been a very touchy topic for me, no matter who I am talking to. 

Weight gain now bothers me for a totally different reason.  I am no longer concerned about myself and my own weight.  I am not concerned about losing my baby weight after pregnancy because I am certain that I am motivated to get back into shape as quickly as I am able.   

I am incredibly thankful for a healthy Baby Titus, but now I am feeling nervous and I do not want to do anything to make our healthy Baby Titus unhealthy in any way.

I was truly starting to enjoy and embrace my pregnancy, but days like this make it more difficult for me.  I am not sure of the underlying reason why this news upset me so badly today, but maybe, like everything else in my life, I just want do this pregnancy thing too perfectly, and it upsets me that I haven’t. 

Despite being upset today, I have also gained some extra motivation to eat  more healthfully during the rest of my pregnancy. I have definitely already made extreme strides since my first twelve weeks of pregnancy, but I plan to do even better now – for myself and Baby Titus.

There was no workout today, as you may have guessed already, and no workout picture to post, but I want to make sure I post all aspects of my pregnancy, my high and low moments.

I am very thankful that we were able to hear the heartbeat of Baby Titus today.  I will concentrate on that part of my appointment for now, instead of everything else.  I will also concentrate on this Cutie, as she can always make me smile, especially after a trip to the groomer!

Silly LillyBaby Silhouette B

Love, ~Ann & Healthy Baby Titus